Sorry, mothers, boys are not born liking cars. Otherwise, imagine all those little boys 200 or more years ago, liking them but not knowing what they like, a shapeless yearning... Nope, liking cars is not inborn and I will say this even if the first word of my boy happened to be 'auto'.
I've lately heard many feminist mothers (and some others too) complain (or just explain) how they worked hard on gender neutrality in toys and were thwarted in their efforts by their boy who wants cars. Or girl who wants to wear pink although the color isn't even present in their house. I still say liking cars isn't inborn!
If something is inborn about liking gender-specific toys (which I'm not certain about) it's the fascination of a certain gender role. Many boys might be excited in things that are culturally perceived as masculine (probably they don't explain it in these words to their parents, though). Not all, of course. And many girls might find overly feminine things attractive. What they see as masculine or feminine has to change, though, else boys would still just like horses and NOBODY would like cars.
And here comes the other part: if a child is attracted to things that are culturally perceived as masculine or feminine, and their parents were very vigilant in trying to raise their kids gender neutrally, what's the explanation? I think it's that there's no way you can raise your child actually gender neutrally. They don't grow in a vacuum - if you can be completely gender neutral (which I don't think is possible at all, but that's a whole different tweet) the rest of the world isn't.
I won't even try. But I think I'll go for trains in stead of cars, much more ecological. And animals, and dolls too if he wants them, and I think he'd be excited about a little kitchen. But I'll try not to complain if he only wants to play with his toy tigers and scorns the pots and pans.
Good tweet. One thing I think I've learned during the past five years is that kids don't really care what the society expect of them. Or their parents for that matter :D They just do what they love, without pretence. They're not capable of faking loving something. This realization/observation has pretty much killed my belief in the "girls love princesses/dolls and boys want machines because society is built that way" mantra. They will do and grow up doing what they love, if they're not forced not to. I believe there are personality differences, but also general gender differences, the strength of which of course changes from person to person. (My girls for example both like princesses and dolls a lot, but the older one has always been somewhat obsessed with princesses, as the younger one likes animals etc. quite a bit and also plays with cars occasionally, which the older one pretty much never does.)
ReplyDelete-Sara
yeah, you can always try what ever, but it is somewhere in the personality, genes, what ever, much of it. Based on observations on 4 very different children. You can try your best with the trains and animals, but it might be he just doesn't care about them at all. No matter what you do. He may love cars or he may love glitter and pink. Or he can love them both. Much of it can been seen very early on, though many things may change when they grow up due to different things.
ReplyDeleteWe can have this discussion again when you've had more kids and they are older. It may be that your views have changed :-)
Mirja
Sara: I still think the society influences your kids too more than you think. Of course not by articles or things like that, but more subtle ways. However, I agree with you that personalities still differ between children, and I'm not ruling out the possibility that gender would influence their personality too.
ReplyDeleteMormoniäiti: I'm sure I can change opinions, in fact I reserve the right to do so. However I'm a bit confused here - which opinions do you think I'll change? Because boys not being born liking cars is a fact, not opinion! Babies don't know 'cars' exist. So I'm curious to hear what my opinion here was..?
Of course it does, to a degree. None of us lives in a vacuum. But I think for a very small child the society doesn't play such a big role, the parents do, and through us, of course the society :) But I think it's important to let children do what they love, whatever it is, not banning anything for the sake of politics. I mean, parents who for example ban princesses and pink from their girls indeed create a very limited and restricted environment for their children... Just as much as a macho dad, who won't let his son knit. (I know a person who did this.)
ReplyDeleteJari Sinnkonen (finnish psychiatrist specialized in children) once said that it's been observed in many tests that kids develop certain gender specific behaviour even before they develop their sexual identity i.e before they themselves know which sex they are. So in that sense it is not all enviromental. I believe dr Sinkkonen is right. I don't think it's very far from what our religion teaches too.
ReplyDeleteTrying to say what Sirpa said. Certainly boys are not born liking cars as such, but many boys are born liking things like cars so they love cars the moment they first ever see them, not because they are cars but because they are things those boys are born to like. - what ever the actual liking is about, shape, noise, movement...
ReplyDeleteSo I think you may end up changing your opinion about the role of society and culture and give more credit to inborn qualities.
Mirja
Mormoniäiti: I think you are right about that there might be things that people are born to like. And yes, I think some kids like cars because their personality is such that noisy and fast and maybe big and powerful things are cool in their opinion. What I'm trying to say is that those qualities are, in fact, culturally perceived as masculine, and how can we avoid forwarding that kind of thinking to our kids? We can't. So that's why gender neutrality in raising kids is impossible - and it's therefore also impossible to say how much is inborn and how much environmental. I know I can't help already influencing my kid in many ways that I'm not even aware of. I guess concentrate on trying to not influence them in any bad ways!
ReplyDeleteAll of this isn't to say that I don't believe in inborn qualities. I just say that it's impossible to say which are which.