Sorry, today I thought, once more, about skin color. Oh, I thought about Christmas too, a bit, but that wouldn't make much of a post.
The question of today was: what will we teach our child about this skin color issue?
My decision was (and husband might agree) that we will first teach him that skin color doesn't matter. This teaching should mostly be done non-verbally, only if there is an issue should it be discussed. Issue could be child asking, or situation seen.
However, a couple of years later we will also teach our child that skin color has always mattered. Hopefully at this point he will already take people as they are. I don't want him to become one of us whites who thinks black people are making an issue out of nothing - I want my child to understand how privileges define his world, and above all, that being a white male he can't get an idea of what it is like to be in America, or Finland, as black or as female.
Maybe this will eventually help him to create a world where people in fact aren't defined as white or black and skin color is pinkish-yellowish, or brownish beigeish, or deep brown, or copper-toned with slight tinge of yellow... and all of these are admirable.
How to teach this and when this should be taught is another matter. I have no clue. Any ideas?
Dec 15, 2010
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One option is that you could have the kid regularly wear blackface throughout his childhood, and then when you and your husband just pretend like everything is normal, he'll learn that skin color doesn't matter. Do you think that would work?
ReplyDeleteMmmm... Reuben, I think the harder part to teach is that skin color DOES matter. But by all means, your GREAT suggestion would certainly help with that too.
ReplyDeleteThey learn through your example, not through a lesson.
ReplyDeleteAlso, the best way for them to learn about race in a healthy manner is to have people of different ethnicities (and religions and languages and social classes) be a part of their lives, of their actual communities. Race isn't an abstraction for children. You can talk race not mattering all you want, but if they (or you) don't have any friends 'of color' as one might say, it's not on the radar.
The degree to which skin color does matter is way too complex for you to teach before adolescence. Good books and their friends' experiences will be a better teacher than lectures on the sociology of ethnicity for the young.
Hello from Mark
We try to teach that ever person is different and it's great. Even if we as parents make a bigger point about race/skin colour than about other physical differences, language differences, actual handicaps, differences in religion and ways of living, we are actually creating the difference ourselves.
ReplyDeleteWe're all different in various ways but equal in importance and as children of God and all need to be treated with same respect, even when they don't treat us that way. That's what we try to teach.
Mirja
I agree with Heini. The lesson should be taught by example and experiences. Our kids have been always surrounded with people of many ethnic groups since they have always lived in an area with a great number of immigrants. They've also always had immigrant friends, black and white. The race has never been an issue. You don't have to teach them that every person is different. Kids are usually very observant and different appearences are easy to observe as you will find out once Ilmari learns how to talk. He will let you know if someone's nose is unusually large or someone's hairstyle looks funny or if there is a witch sitting behind you in a bus. They also don't know why these things should not be voiced in public, where the person in question can hear you.
ReplyDeleteWe have also discussed the oppression people have experienced and still experience due to the skin colour and the illegality of such actions.